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Said with a squint.

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(no subject) [Nov. 8th, 2004|06:11 am]
Said with a squint.
All further entries are friends only.
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(no subject) [Jul. 5th, 2004|02:05 am]
Said with a squint.
Hello... just an update because I don't really know where to put myself tonight.

Firstly I'm not back here for good I just thought that i'd update for the benefit of anybody who had a passing interest in my life but who didn't feel close enougth to follow me across to my other journal.

Well blue_train fizzled out shortly after Emily and I broke up. In a way this was because I felt like a new person and I needed to shed this skin, partly it was because four years of memories were starting to choke me but mainly it was because Mark talked me into starting up a new journal in order to spy on people who lived nearby who we suspected that we might know. We didn't know said people but we do now. Anyway the new journal looked a lot better and it reflected my obsession with the band McCarthy so I moved over there for good. I still maintain that this thing isn't dead... It's just that it's not who I am anymore, I might pick it up again one day.

Anyway I've stayed single and I'm not really looking... well perhaps I'm looking but that's about all. I've been through a million and one McJobs including my most recent one in a Chemical factory engineering death. I've drank myseld in and out of early graves, been up and down the country like a yo-yo, laugthed until my head came off and swallowed 'til I burst. I live a strange hermit's life and feel like a different species. If I could do it all over again I'd change the lot... I'd go back to when I was fourteen and throw myself in the river Tyne.

I don't know what else to say... I still check in on you lot from time to time and I wish you all luck for the future.

Yours the smiling ghost of...

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(no subject) [Mar. 13th, 2004|07:55 pm]
Said with a squint.
This is binned until further notice.
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nosotros todos sensación él [Mar. 7th, 2004|03:09 am]
Said with a squint.
when the drums come in....


I'm about ready for something new to open up to me.

Bring it on.
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Jekyll and Hyde [Mar. 6th, 2004|03:35 pm]
Said with a squint.
[music |the hum is coming from her]

I have a new jornal but I'm going to keep this one going as well. The new one will be mainly for people who I know in Durham and the North-East. I'm putting the majority of my dull life into that one but will keep this for twisted points of view and questioning eyebrows. And I'll still look through my friends list and leave commenrts whenever possible.

I'm so absolutely bored... I want to sit in quiet somewhere and drink coffee or to walk by the river with fantastic company... these things don't happen so i'll probably go for a drive alone and try to scribble down a few ideas.

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I have taken a break from writing to write this... my life is a wordy hell. [Mar. 2nd, 2004|11:37 pm]
Said with a squint.
[mood |anxiousanxious]
[music |a quoi sert de vivre libre]

Well we did go to Durham, last minute like everything that we ever do. Went into the Angel and forced the pop-punk youf to listen to the Fall and the Manics... We only really go in there out of spite. After that popped over the road to the folk night at the Old Elm Tree. A lot more people were here this time (probably a time team special on or something last week). Afterwards we made a half-arsed attempt to drive to Scotland but chickened out and went to Jenna's instead. Can't ever go back to Jennas because Mark went a little peculiar and... well, we won't be her flatmates favourite people at the moment. Ahem!

Tonight I have been watching 8 femmes and feeling nostalgic. I remember when Em and I went to see it a t the pictures and a group of people would get up and walk out with every song... I like feeling special, like nobody else in the world would be odd or open-minded enough to sit through a film like that and give it a fair chance... A French murder mystery, musical, with horrible songs and no nudity... and an unhappy ending to boot... has to be a niche market. I'd hate to be one of those people who refuses to acknowledge anything that isn't mainstream, slick crap or over-rated 'authentic’ manly film... Gah! people are all shit and I hate them.

One day I will lead an army of people who enjoy spending time in motorway service stations.

You will see.
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Forever breathes the lonely word. [Mar. 1st, 2004|02:17 pm]
Said with a squint.
[mood |morosemorose]
[music |The Fall - I am Damo Suzuki.]

Crapsticks... Events have conspired against tonight’s trip to Durham. So now I feel redundant and I want something to take my mind off time... I took Ozymandias for a walk, Went to the river and looked into the water. The water was red like a strong tea, I thought about how tea seems familiar and how it should be exotic and oriental. As much as orientalism is a construction of empiricism it also creates something desirable and unusual. I've had enough Tea, over fished it. I hope that I never try Opium.

(Mantras of the Blue Train)

"Life should be full of strangeness, like a rich painting."
"Je est un autre."
"She sould have died hereafter."
"Contemple-les, mon âme; ils sont vraiment affreux!"
"Finished, it's finished, nearly finished, it must be nearly finished."

I want to sit at the river reading Beddoes or Thomson or Hopkins until the night drains from the sky and as people walk past me they will hold their breath as not to take in any of the sickness... "there ain’t nothing nice no more"

But for all of my sound and fury this signifies nothing, I feel like a liar. Frustration.

I am writing... this is going to be good.
I know it. I know it. I know it.

My mind is in storms, a million distorted thoughts a second, schizophrenic visions of disturbing clarity... this won't last long so I have to use it before I burn out.

"Here I'm alive, everything all of the time"

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Curious Oranj [Feb. 28th, 2004|02:17 am]
Said with a squint.
[mood |vibrant]
[music |None, or other:]


Some Highlights:

1) A hell of a lot of snow... competions for who could catch the most white on them.
2) Jenna's ecclectic drinks choice... WKD, Absinthe, Guiness, Sherry, Vodka and Scotch.
3) Sub-terrainian Sewer pub.
4) Jenna becoming a Trans-gender being and bonding with Mark and I.
5) Mark making a little friend at a burger van, who fed him ginger nuts.
6) A legless tramp playing the 'Last of the summer wine' theme on harmonica.
7) Drinking in Oscars courtyard and being simultaneously hot and cold like a microwaved potato.
8) Mark inventing the word; cumulatititive.
9) Singing Oscilate Wildly like a welsh choir member.
10) Running and rolling by the river in the snow at 2am, M&J drinking rank whiskey and coke and jumping on tables like toddlers.
11) Poe faced man and his £300 hat.
12) Mark's 3 coffees with milk... one of them black and one a tea.
13) Throwing snowballs at my own head.
14) etc. etc. etc.

Just in the house and feeling tres giddy. I honestly feel like I'm pissed but it's just manic energy.... Can't emphisise how many times mark made us sing Oscilate Wildly. One of the best nights I have had in a long time... and the past few weeks has been amazing in general. I pity those fools who have standard nights out... enjoy your tepid fun plebs.
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(no subject) [Feb. 26th, 2004|02:03 am]
Said with a squint.
[mood |drunkdrunk]
[music |Bach - Air on the G string.]

I am writing this whilst semi-conscious so it may be nonsensical... See me launch at the keyboard like beethoven. dsdsuihfds huhdewuhdeuhds hahahhahahahahahahhahahaha

Tonight has been a lesson in badly prepared absinthe and the glory of Opal Nero. More Yarmisms... tonight with a wider range of pubs and an over 30s kind of cafe bar with Opal Nero. For all of those who don't know Opal Nero is a black sambuca. It looks like liquid tar and tastes like pernod.

This is another filler night between Tuesday's durham trawl and saturday's York antics. A few minor noteworthy events but otherwise just mark and I getting legless in another quaint cobbled town. When the bar closed it was snowing quite badly. We ate some aniseed balls from a machine but threw most of them at cars. Went into a takeaway and chatted to the smiths fan that worked there and his semi litterate sister. Back in't stell drank tea and absinthe... i only used half an arse for mark's so it was brown and sludgey... mine was better... mushy pea color... but still far from right.

I hope that saturday is better.
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(no subject) [Feb. 25th, 2004|05:54 pm]
Said with a squint.
thé vert à la menthe et absinthe
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